ALL MEN ROCK Co Host
Exposure Magazine Relationship Expert Docta G Davis
Build a life with someone, not build yourself in someone! It becomes all too easy to establish a sense of identity in someone else.
One of the biggest problems that most people face in relationships is not just commitment, loyalty or infidelity, but it’s being comfortable with being an habitual procrastinator. It’s one of the secret things that we fight with internally. Nobody recognizes it at first, but it there. In fact, the things that we do every day we do them because they are a priority to us. The things that we constantly ignore, are clear signs that these things are not important enough to capture our undivided attention. Your true potential will require bad habit breaking. There’s thing you and I do habitually that makes us less than perfect in completing what we must do. You are nowhere near your future, as long as you continue to have romantic sentiments of your past.
What is it that you want? What do you desire? Your desire has nothing to do with what you do. Your desire is the beginning place for what you plan to do. The reality is, you don’t live in the realm of desire, but you and I cohabitate in the here and now. In fact, you can’t excel in your career or relationships base of your desires. Your desire must mature!
What are you doing in your “Down” time? Are you patiently preparing for your future husband or wife? Or are you casually entertaining unwanted prospects that are an enemy to your happiness and future. Here are top 6 things you should be doing before you say “I Do”…
1. Become totally, completely, 100% financially independent
You never know what will happen down the road so before you commit to a couple of forever’s, it’s crucial to learn how to make it own your own. That means no more car insurance payments from dad, or mom taking care of your cell phone bill. It’s just you, your checkbook, and a big smile on your face because you made it. The only person you have to depend on now is yourself. And that’s truly liberating.
2. Find a career you love and master it
Once you’re married and have kids, switching your career becomes a lot harder. Figure out what your passion is now, while you’re young and only have yourself to worry about, and just go for it. Don’t hold back. When you do find a job you love, be the very best you can possibly be at it. Nothing feels as rewarding as chasing your dreams and catching them.
3.Fall in love with the person of your dreams.
If your rush your marriage, you may rush your divorce! Maybe you’re anxious to get married or fear you’ll never find anyone better, listen, I’m literally begging you, DON’T SETTLE! Wait for the person who has proven to you that they can be trusted. The one who treats you like a princess and lifts you up because he could never tear you down. But most of all, wait for the one who loves you just as much as you love him back and whom you could never, ever in a million, trillion years picture your life without. Then, settle down.
4.Get rid of unclaimed baggage.
When you envision the journey from your first love to your last love, you want to see the changes you have made. You should see a trail of progress and progression. By ignoring the obvious baggage in your life you are delaying the opportunity to be completely happy. See yourself letting go of pettiness, bitterness, anger and rejection. I want to see an understanding man. I want to see a man that possesses very little jealously, selfishness or bitterness. Before you dedicate yourself to a woman or a man, make sure you’re mature enough to handle the situations of your past so you can embrace your future without regrets.
5.Let go of parental resentment and past relationship failures.
Some of us were blessed enough to have parents with a very strong and loving relationship. Others were not so lucky. Before getting married, leaving behind any resentment and negativity you feel about your parents’ marriage or relationship is really important. Your marriage never has to be your parent’s marriage or long distant relationship, and overcoming these feelings can be a difficult and challenging task, but a crucial one. Properly identify habits, cycles and dysfunctions by tracing it from the root and not just the fruit!
6.To thine own self be true.
Build a life with someone, not build yourself in someone! It becomes all too easy to establish a sense of identity in someone else. I know this because I have done it. Before promising yourself to someone for forever, you have to be able to know how special and incredible forever can be with you. You have to believe that first, not wait for someone to tell you. Discover who really are and what you bring to the table before you say “I Do” and make no exceptions. Your future spouse will thank you!