Loving ourselves is a task for many of us. That pesky negative voice in our head is constantly telling us we’re too fat, skinny, short, ugly or inadequate! Those thoughts are very toxic to our system. It’s not until we fully love ourselves that we can finally control the negative chatter in our mind.
Many of us were not taught to love ourselves properly. Typically, we love ourselves the way our parents or guardians loved us. If they constantly told you that you were smart and beautiful you will most likely grow up believing that. If your parents told you that you are not going to amount to anything and that you are stupid, then odds are you will believe that too. It’s not until we grow older that we begin to validate ourselves versus letting others determine our worth.
Like everyone else, I struggle with loving myself. Like most of you, I have been manipulated into thinking that beauty is a size 2, blond hair, and perfect skin. So when I didn’t meet those requirements, I felt terrible. Now I understand that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes and colors. When I’m 10 pounds overweight, instead of being upset at myself and anger eating, I say “okay girl, time to cut down on all of the sweets.” No matter what our outside looks like we have to love ourselves fully so we may heal.
Some people stop loving themselves when they enter relationships where the other person is constantly pointing out their flaws. Over time the person accepts the other person’s claims as fact and they feel terrible about themselves. Verbal abuse is one of the most damaging things that can happen to a person. The bounce back takes time and therapy.
This happened to one of my clients who had a relationship with a high profile celebrity. Not only was he verbally abusive, he was a cheater and he was physically abusive as well. Her self-esteem was so low she wanted him back after he left her. We must carefully select our partners. We must partner with those who help and uplift our spirit instead of crush it.
My mom is a perfect example of someone who fully loves herself. Since I was young, I remember my mom taking forever get ready to leave the house. She needed to always have her makeup, hair, and nails done perfectly. This includes her workout sessions. She believes in looking her best always and that’s so great to see. She inspires me.
My mom has taught me to love myself and to take pride in my appearance because we represent God. It’s because of her that I walk with my head high and shoulders back. I’ve seen her do it all my life.
Not too long ago, I had the chance to meet up with one of my collegiate friends. She’s now a professor and I’m so proud of her. We got on the topic of self-love and she said she has struggled because she has a round face and she would get teased about it. She now accepts and loves it. I told her that I too have always felt bad because I’ve had a chubby face since I was young and no matter how skinny my body was, my cheeks wouldn’t go away. After hearing her similar insecurity, I realized I wasn’t alone. I’ve never been told, “No, I can’t date you because you have a fat face,” so I think I’m okay.
Being able to relate to others heals our heart. Throughout the journey we will encounter self-esteem obstacles, and at some point we have to surrender to the fact that we are in constant transition and being different is okay. So what if you are losing your hair—become the sexiest bald guy people have ever seen and own it! Who cares if you’ve lost a few pounds because of your sickness—go shopping for new clothes and rock it! Nothing is forever and we should enjoy every second of our journey.
Questions To Ask Yourself So You Can Heal:
•What toxic beliefs about yourself do you want to eliminate? The next time you have those thoughts say “next thought” or “delete” and say positive things about yourself outloud in that moment so you can begin to train your brain to think positive.
•What can you do to show yourself self-love? Some great ways may be to go get your hair or nails done or to sleep 8 hours or eat healthy.
•What do you need to forgive yourself for? Have you made a mistake that haunts you and you need to pray and forgive yourself knowing if you knew better, you would have done better.
If you’re struggling with finding yourself get a copy of “Purpose Awaken and Succeed” on Amazon or www.BarnesandNoble.com
For more information on Elvira Guzman visit her website www.elviraguzman.com or follow her on instagram @elviraguzmanla