Forgiveness is one of the most powerful things in this world, but it’s not exercised by many. I’m sure you know people who have not talked to each other for 20 years. When you ask them why they haven’t spoken, they can’t remember the original reason. It’s their ego not letting them put down their guard and accepting that perhaps there was fault on both sides. Yes, work has to be done to repair the relationship, but every relationship needs work to establish and maintain.
I was hurt in a past relationship when I needed surgery to remove a huge cyst on my ovary. My boyfriend at the time left me for a much younger woman who looked very much like me. I felt he quickly replaced me and he never truly loved me. I believed our entire relationship was a lie and that broke me. On top of being in physical pain, I was also in emotional pain from the breakup.
A few years later, once I fully recovered, he came knocking on my door asking for forgiveness and for my hand in marriage. As angry as I was at him, I opened the door and we spoke. I told him that I forgave him but I couldn’t marry him. What he did to me was something I could never bounce back from to repair our relationship.
Many people think forgiving is for the other person, but truly it’s for the person doing the forgiving. I didn’t want to have that hate in my heart because it would affect future relationships. I also didn’t want him in my life because I would constantly be reminded of the nightmare I lived during those days.
I’ve also been emotionally hurt in my career. Several years ago, one of my clients refused to pay my branding fee for an idea they took from me. We decided to part ways. Initially, I was devastated because I couldn’t understand their dishonest behavior. Because they didn’t have the contacts they needed in order to fully succeed in the business, I knew they would eventually return. Sure enough, they returned, apologized, and paid me my percentage.
We continued to do business together, and have made lots of money together! I decided to forgive them because I knew they were going through a very rough time financially and they needed the money. Once they returned, I told them to be honest about their situation in the future instead of doing something shady and they agreed.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to see who you need to forgive:
•Who has hurt me in my childhood, in my teens, in my adult life?
•How do I feel about them?
•Have I forgiven them yet?
•What would it take for me to forgive each of them? Do I need an apology or do I need to release it and pray on it?
In our lives, there will be a lot of people who hurt us. Intentionally or otherwise; we have to learn to deal with it. We can’t do something stupid and end up dead or in jail. We have to rationalize why the person is doing that act.
Growing up, my uncle David would come to our house every 3-4 months and try to kill my mom and anyone else in the house. He would bring a knife. My uncle was bipolar and he didn’t like to take his medication. He thought nothing was wrong with him when he was normal. But once he entered the manic phase of the illness, he was in trouble, and so were we. However, I learned to forgive my uncle. Unfortunately, he stabbed himself and died when I was 16, but I still consider him to be one of my favorite uncles and I know he loved me. Forgiveness means you don’t have to agree with the person’s actions, but you have compassion for them and are able to let go.
Soul Work Questions:
•Who do you need to forgive and why?
•What are some steps you can take to forgive those who have hurt you?
•What are your thoughts on therapy to get beyond emotional or physical traumas? I reccomend it! It helped me tremendously.
For more information on Elvira Guzman or her books visit her website www.elviraguzman.com and follow her in IG @elviraguzmanla